"Britain is not an island...well, yes it is, but..." - Unidentified MP, on BBC Radio 4 - from Mark Saxby (Reading, England) "The President continues to surprise people, so I am not surprised to be surprised." - US Secy of Defense Dick Cheney - from Mark Wiersbeck (Minneapolis, MN, USA) "President Bush is due to address the nation in approximately 20 minutes precisely." - Peter Jennings, ABC News - from Roger Allen (Nashua, NH, USA) "Mobile launchers are more difficult to detect because they move around, unlike fixed launchers." - Katie Coucik, NBC News - from Lowell McCulley (Nashua, NH, USA) "Continuous coverage of the war in the Persian Gulf will resume in a moment." - Tom Brokaw, NBC News - from Jeff E. Nelson (Nashua, NH, USA) "We have good reason to believe he was stabbed. There was a sharp object sticking out of his chest". - Lt. R. Travis, Newburgh, NY, Police Dept, cited in National Lampoon calendar - from Jim Reisert (Hudson, MA, USA) "The City of Rochester (Michigan) is considering a ban on smoking at the park because people are leaving their butts on the beach." - Announcer, WJR Radio, Detroit, MI - from Jim Cotton (Novi, MI, USA) "Men between the ages of 18 and 25 must register for the draft on their 18th birthday." - Sign in a US Post Office - from Bruce Stadler (Dallas, TX, USA) "This door must not be opened under any circumstances." - Sign outside a fire exit in a hotel - from C. N. Kumar (Karnaraka, India) "We have to expect it, otherwise we would be surprised." - Unidentified general officer, re: Gulf war. - from Thierry Ciot (Valbonne, France) "Yo-Yo Ma and Bobby McFerrin together again for the first time." - Ellen Kushner on "Caravan", WGBH radio, Boston - from Roger Goun (Nashua, NH, USA) "It is mandatory that tenderers provide proof that the specified performance requirements are likely to be achieved by the proposed system." - Request for Quotation from unidentified prospective client - from Kass Antanaitis (Canberra, Australia) "President Union will address the nation on the state of the Bush." _ Hampton Pearson, news reporter, WBZ TV - from Paul Poznick (Andover, MA, USA) "Although some functional managers had heard of RISC, virtually none had heard of RISC" - Digital Marketing Study - from Ken Berkun (Hong Kong) "Sir James Spicer...has officially opened a lavatory at the Piddle Valley First School near Dorchester." - VNS #2244 Main News, 23 Jan 90 - from Dick Binder (Nashua, NH, USA) "Tensions in Latvia...are tense..." - WBZ Radio, Boston, 21 Jan 91, news - from Gunar Zagars (Andover, MA, USA)
Other humor in the GNU Humor Collection.
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Updated: 6 Nov 1999 neel